tonight i plan to kill my self

I feel so sad more than ever, i feel left by someone special but i feel left by people that i love, tonight im alone in our apartment and i plan to hurt myself. I plan to kill myself. im scared of death nothing scares me more than the thought that ill never get a hold of things here on earth and that ill never see the the face my mother and father. i love my family but i hate them at the same time. i dont love my eldest brother though i miss him very much. i miss my second brother Emil he has been very tough on me lately i guess cos he works now hes developing a sense of authority around the house since my father is away.

Tonight my mother and brothers are away and i plan it very much. i feel it i wanna feel pain cos right now i cant feel anything but darkness. i plan to slash my wrist or drink a lot of meds to kill my self, but i hope i wont die because i wanna live with the pain. i wanna see blood, because is hate myself. and people deserve to feel bad when they see me. but i dont want to die tonight let every painful memory live in me forever for i deserve it for thinking people deserve pain cos i deserved it.

I plan to slitmy wirst over and over again until i lose consiousness and then do it while im taking a shower.

I cant stab my self I might totally die and not experience any of it.

I plan on drinking a lot of meds :)

or again slash my wrist and wipe the blood stains with zonrox

Goodnight Good poeple.