HEARING VOICES

I cant tell you much, but i will tell you something. something ive been meaning to tell, something thats been hiding all along. something at the back of my head. sometimes their like a fast spinning wheel, they dont know when to stop and dont know where to stay. how can i manage this , how cant i not think about it. how can i show that i dont care

to be continued... (too messed up to be alright)

My inverted smile

When you say see you later, it breaks my heart and makes me sad :( for i no matter what im in dispose or not i will always choose to be with you :) <3 and i just wish you would always do the same. :(

When i see my mother and brothers laughing together with the same joke, i hear there sweet monotone laughters and i just wish i could laugh with them :( but i cant and instead stand in the corner and watch them and put on my inverted smile.

i say thank you for the bluer nights you gave me

I say thank you, thats right you heard me right, thank you because each night you gave me inspirations and color to my blogs. but i promise to let no one know of my deepest heart aches again about my past only a few people know it and id like to keep it that way :)

   I wanna know more of this life but i wanna forget the past, please help me find a way to carry on again for each time i remember, old times broke my heart and im stuck each night with hopes of seeing the light again.

thank you for giving colors to my writing i wouldn't have done it without the unpleasurable feeling of loneliness and sadness and the pleasurable feeling of inspiration.

sadder then sad: A melancholic coward

A new emo blog, sorry if i cant help it but atleast no one's following me yet so no ones reading my blogs, id just like to keep it to my self now. last night i tried to slash my wrist with a ktichen knife in the shower and shit wont even make any scractch just a tiny bity one no matter how much i slash the freakin wrist of mine nothing man! :( so i decided maybe to cry and cry and cry. its sunday night and i didnt even thought of going to church :( i feel like im a very very bad soul. sometimes i think if God forgets to think about me as well :(

    Tonight i feel very sad :( me and hoseine had an argument cos of a stupid mistake i did, i have trust issues and i dont know why i find it hard to believe people :( and when i do i always end up feeling sad :( and right now i feel very sad cos i told him what i felt about his words and of course itll make him sad, i know i love him and i know he love me very much too :( and im sad than ever to make him feel this way i wish i could put a band aid on him or something to make him feel better. now he is sleeping and i hope sleeping would make him feel good cos i feel very very sad :( i wish i could always paint a smile on his face cos  i always think about him. sometimes i feel like a freaking psycho which i know i am but in a very pathological way, i knew if someone read my blogs immediately they might report me to the police. but i thought of something, i didnt really thought of it that much but after realizing things: "What i can call my self is coward!" thats right! thats the right word to label me , a coward. im a big fucked up shit head who has  low dopamine levels(messed up depression rate) im just waiting for my consciousness to get fucked up well its already starting to. sometimes i stare at my picture look straight into my eyes and waiting for that beautiful creature to get a loss hold of reality, right that is, thats what i deserve most of all. i cant even appreciate reality might as well be blinded by it and live in ym own reality. what a stupid girl i am. i wish i could just drink with off with a med, im such a stupid looooser  not capable of loving. im saying this cos all in all deep inside of me im afraid :( im afraid for things to get better cos im not take in more of it :( and im afraid that of that happens i might not be scared pf death anymore. im afraid of things to get worst because im in love with life to the fullest but things just things makes em all go black :( i wish my insides was always strong enough to handle shit :(

Hoseine i want to save you from every demise that you are experiencing right now, channel them into my heart where ill keep them in safe and i will never ever let them touch you again. i love you i want you to be happy. fill your thoughts with gladness of life and let them bring you to everlasting sigh of love and peace.

LEARNING TO BE TOUGH

No matter how much sadness i feel i will never ever let anyone know, they will never tap in my consciousness and my heart for i will make them happy.

Whered you go? i miss you so it feels like its been forever since uve been gone

hoseine wu yue pak, i miss you very much , i feel so heavy lying down in bed the whole damn day, always thinking of you if u were thinking of me. i miss embracing you i wish i could just lie on your chest the whole day while you sway me to the moonlight. i miss your words and how i wish i could hear them with ur voice. hold my hand please cos i dont wanna let go yet, not yet, i know its not yet time cos theres still more to tune in. we will be awesome and i want you to give me everything and nothing else cos you know ill give you all of me. :) i love you

tonight i plan to kill my self

I feel so sad more than ever, i feel left by someone special but i feel left by people that i love, tonight im alone in our apartment and i plan to hurt myself. I plan to kill myself. im scared of death nothing scares me more than the thought that ill never get a hold of things here on earth and that ill never see the the face my mother and father. i love my family but i hate them at the same time. i dont love my eldest brother though i miss him very much. i miss my second brother Emil he has been very tough on me lately i guess cos he works now hes developing a sense of authority around the house since my father is away.

Tonight my mother and brothers are away and i plan it very much. i feel it i wanna feel pain cos right now i cant feel anything but darkness. i plan to slash my wrist or drink a lot of meds to kill my self, but i hope i wont die because i wanna live with the pain. i wanna see blood, because is hate myself. and people deserve to feel bad when they see me. but i dont want to die tonight let every painful memory live in me forever for i deserve it for thinking people deserve pain cos i deserved it.

I plan to slitmy wirst over and over again until i lose consiousness and then do it while im taking a shower.

I cant stab my self I might totally die and not experience any of it.

I plan on drinking a lot of meds :)

or again slash my wrist and wipe the blood stains with zonrox

Goodnight Good poeple.

Just Becuase

My very first Blog! yey Hi im Jane and im from the phil, the atmost flip country of the world!!! yeaa meeehn. hahaha. actually to start off with something im kinda sad right now but no worries becuase i love to write stuff on anywhere and on anything, im actually not the smart ass kid type in the classroom (quite the opposite) i just know a bunch of freakin words that i get from movies and use them in my wrtining by the way i so looove making poetries. most of the words i know at first i wouldnt even know the real meaninga id just find it sounding correctly a long with the lines ive made well anyway enough with the geeky stuff, my boyfriend who is someone really awesome started blogging here in goggle so i decided to start my own cos just like what Ive said earlier im sad :( but ill give you readers some slack for my first blog an introduction before i hit you guys up with some emo blogs laturr. :))

      Hi Im Jane Vad-ass Ery Im from the Philippines, Im Half fil and Half Indian, been bullied ever  since 1st grade turned out to be a hot chick in college. im a psycho bitch who never gets enough with what she has :)) anyway i love school and i love my course im currently taking up BS Psyche in UST a well renowned university in Philippines. I love socializing with people and most of all i love making em laugh, i dont know everything comes out naturally but what i hate the most about my self is my weakness: and this hurting someone, gosh i hate it! haha i hate it when someone feels bad and its all my fault :(. i love God and Jesus but i have some issues with the church and i self proclaimed my self and started doing the sign of the cross on the left hand but anyway i know God understands me cos he is awesome.

       Its 2:42 am im sad and full of problems in life and from this line i hop u wont get bored with me yet, hope u stay and read my poetries,  a thank you and a kiss in advance mwah! im just a simple girl with big dreams that are taller than me and i hope someday someday everything will fit perfectly , no regrets nor heart aches just plain awesomeness, Like Plain Jane- an awesome chick from the future.

I have a tattoo on my back of a butterfly and a Gemini symbol haha nothing if that sounds cool enough for you to stay and read my world.

see you later for now.