A new emo blog, sorry if i cant help it but atleast no one's following me yet so no ones reading my blogs, id just like to keep it to my self now. last night i tried to slash my wrist with a ktichen knife in the shower and shit wont even make any scractch just a tiny bity one no matter how much i slash the freakin wrist of mine nothing man! :( so i decided maybe to cry and cry and cry. its sunday night and i didnt even thought of going to church :( i feel like im a very very bad soul. sometimes i think if God forgets to think about me as well :(
Tonight i feel very sad :( me and hoseine had an argument cos of a stupid mistake i did, i have trust issues and i dont know why i find it hard to believe people :( and when i do i always end up feeling sad :( and right now i feel very sad cos i told him what i felt about his words and of course itll make him sad, i know i love him and i know he love me very much too :( and im sad than ever to make him feel this way i wish i could put a band aid on him or something to make him feel better. now he is sleeping and i hope sleeping would make him feel good cos i feel very very sad :( i wish i could always paint a smile on his face cos i always think about him. sometimes i feel like a freaking psycho which i know i am but in a very pathological way, i knew if someone read my blogs immediately they might report me to the police. but i thought of something, i didnt really thought of it that much but after realizing things: "What i can call my self is coward!" thats right! thats the right word to label me , a coward. im a big fucked up shit head who has low dopamine levels(messed up depression rate) im just waiting for my consciousness to get fucked up well its already starting to. sometimes i stare at my picture look straight into my eyes and waiting for that beautiful creature to get a loss hold of reality, right that is, thats what i deserve most of all. i cant even appreciate reality might as well be blinded by it and live in ym own reality. what a stupid girl i am. i wish i could just drink with off with a med, im such a stupid looooser not capable of loving. im saying this cos all in all deep inside of me im afraid :( im afraid for things to get better cos im not take in more of it :( and im afraid that of that happens i might not be scared pf death anymore. im afraid of things to get worst because im in love with life to the fullest but things just things makes em all go black :( i wish my insides was always strong enough to handle shit :(
Hoseine i want to save you from every demise that you are experiencing right now, channel them into my heart where ill keep them in safe and i will never ever let them touch you again. i love you i want you to be happy. fill your thoughts with gladness of life and let them bring you to everlasting sigh of love and peace.
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